killthepast | ic inbox

[That first text was sad already, Roy was already trying to work out how to say something kind and encouraging without being too over the top. He knows he has a bad habit of that, and he also knows he's been coming on strong with Kylo - what can he say though? He likes him.

And then that second text comes. Roy feels a twist in his gut while he reads it because damned if he doesn't know that feeling. Damned if he doesn't know a lot of people who know that feeling. It makes his heart ache a little to see someone else who's struggled with it, who's gone down the wrong paths looking for love.]

jesus christ, you're not a creature. you're a person.

people do bad things and it doesn't make them monsters or creatures just people who did bad things.

don't get me wrong, I'm not a fan of bad things or doing them. I've spent a long time trying to become a better me. I think it'd be great if you wanted to try to become a better you. but like, there's a difference between what people do and what they are and if youre gonna do that youve gotta do it for yourself.

anyone who loves you should love what you are or what YOU want to be.

Ask the people from my universe what I am. They'll give you a very different answer. If you knew

[ If you knew, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now.

If you knew, you'd see me as all the others do.

No, that isn't fair. Roy's done nothing to deserve anything but the benefit of the doubt so far. His only crime is, what, meeting Kylo after years and years of disappointment, deceit and betrayal at the hands of others? ]

People tend to be less interested in who I am than what I can do. She wanted to use me to fight in a war. My old Master used me for the same purpose.

I am a monster.

[ It's easy enough to insist on it through text, with his face hidden behind his words, than face-to-face, without the benefit of a mask. But he does look over Roy's message again and again, wondering if the meaning will sink in to his heart if he just reads it enough times. ]

You're a very kind person. [ He used to be a kind person, once, himself. ] I hope

I hope nothing takes that away from you.

yeah I don't really care what they think you are.

[It might sound flippant, but it's true. He couldn't care less what the Batfamily might say about Jason because he knows Jason himself. He couldn't care less what Kori's sister or whoever else says about her because he knows Kori himself. He couldn't care less what anyone says about Ollie because he knows Ollie himself. Roy prefers to make his own judgement calls about the people in his life - always has.]

you mean the Force?
thats super messed up. it sucks feeling like people are trying to use you like a pawn

seriously, not a monster. people aren't monsters. maybe they act like them, but again what you do isnt what you are. I can keep repeating it all day believe me I can be super annoying about it. ;)

naw. just learned a lot of hard lessons.

[ Now THAT brings a smile to his face. This is one instance where being flippant is a good thing. ]

I do. And it does. You have experience with that?

I don't think you can annoy me. You haven't yet. That puts you in a very exclusive group.

[ That's like. A Kylo Ren attempt at a flirt. ]

[Okay, that's cute.]

yeah off and on my whole life. though doesnt sound like it was on the same level as you. I'm just a tech nerd and a really good shot, the Force is something else. total next level stuff.

oh really? I seriously think that's the first time I've ever heard that. the not annoying thing. glad to hear it.
I mean eventually I'll turn into a total clinger and you'll get sick of me. promise. ;)

[A very subtle flirt back.]

I can see why. In my galaxy, your skills would be in high demand with war profiteers.

[ You know, the sort who might forcibly "recruit" people. (like the First Order, lbr)

His eyes linger over the word 'Force,' capitalized twice now, as if it merits a degree of deference-- not unusual in his own galaxy, certainly. But here, to see it from somebody who tends not to bother with every rule of grammar and punctuation... It's meaningful.

Whether Roy understands the Force or not, he understands, at least, what it means to Kylo. ]

That sounds like a challenge. We'll see who wins. [ TEASING, IN RETURN. He's half-tempted to include a-- GASP-- emoji, but they're still too awkward for him. ]

[ Annnd now he's going to follow that up with something he doesn't tend to readily volunteer to people: ]

My name is Ben. By the way.

My real name, I mean.

Ben Solo.

[ Hastily, he adds, as if he needs to explain: ]

I just wanted you to know.

so is it wrong I totally hope you win? ;)

[Oh yeah, he went there. He does hope that Kylo's right, though, that he doesn't get sick of him, that it's okay to be a clinger. It would be nice, to hang out with someone who likes his clingy tendencies instead of liking him despite them.

Then that second text comes, and for a long moment, Roy stares at it, feeling something clench in his chest. Something warm.]

Ben Solo huh? I like the sound of it.

would you rather be called that or kylo?

I think it'd be the best outcome.

[ INSERT WINK HERE.

He hesitates before answering that question, because he still doesn't quite know his preference. But...

It does feel strange to be called Kylo by somebody who's never really met Kylo Ren before. Since their first meeting, he's always been some shade of Ben Solo around Roy. ]

Ben, I think.

[ After a beat, he adds: ]

Except when we're working.

[ AND THEN, ANOTHER FOLLOWUP: ]

Do people really find you annoying?

Edited 2018-05-02 21:14 (UTC)

awww I'm blushing.

[The next text comes after a few moments.]

alright. Ben it is.

and yeah they do. most of the time

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